Thought Catalog #1

Don’t Define Yourself By What You’re Not

You are not your hair color. You are not your choice of clothing. You’re not your height, weight or job or degree of education. More importantly, you’re not your mistakes. You’re not defined by the things that make you human, otherwise known to some as “flaws.” The physical are just descriptors that make you easier to identify by others, they don’t define who you are.

You are whatever touches your soul more deeply than anything. You are who you love. You are the music that makes you cry. You are the daydreams your mind trails off to. You are your favorite food. You are your deepest desires. You are what you want to bring to the world. You are the silly jokes that make you laugh. You are how you treat other people, especially people who don’t and can’t do anything for you in return. You are anything and everything that touches you and changes you from your core.

If everyone was blind, how would you be described?

(For full article, by Brianna Wiest)

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The Happiness To-Do List

1. Hug more people because you absolutely adore them, and since time changes everything, make sure to hug them now—make sure to hug them more often. It’s a universally free way to tell them that you care. That you’re sorry; that your heart aches and craves and desires them. Hug them because it’s Wednesday. Because you don’t want to say goodbye. Because after three months of silence, you finally have the courage to forgive them. Hug them for no reason at all.

5. Tell people you love them.  Say it every single day. Say it for the first time as soon as you realize it/when you’re petrified/even if you’re terribly frightened whether or not they may say it back.

6. Learn how to say please, thank you, and I’m sorry.

8. Believe in yourself. Give yourself a good stern talking in the mirror every so often in order to migrate around the concept of what you are worth: which is everything, no matter what. No matter if anyone else has ever said differently.

9. Follow your own advice. The words that make the tears sparkle on the check bones of a friend come from somewhere. They are alive, within you. It’s the very immediate moment after you’re through comforting the heart of another that you must also make the decision to believe, to trust, your sudden spoken truth.

Please, just do them for no reason at all.

(For full article, by Jen Glantz)

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7 Things To Tell Yourself When You’re Hurting by Keay Nigel

1. I am going to face it.

Don’t run away from it. Don’t treat it like it’s not there, like it has never happened — this will only prolong the period of suffering, and delay the healing. Talk about it, not avoid it. Things only get nastier when you try to sweep them under the carpet. Face that bitch right in the face. If it’s gonna hurt, it will. But after that, it will be fine. It will get better.

2. This pain is necessary for growth.

You tell yourself that it is NOT all bad and no good — that something good CAN come out of it. That through pain you become stronger and better as a person. That going through tough things and shit situations are part and parcel of life. People can break your heart, but it is up to you whether to seal it up on the inside, or allow your heart to grow bigger and become more accepting of things. Even if this thing breaks you, you are going to bounce back bigger and fiercer.

3. Don’t be afraid of being afraid.

Because only in being afraid can you choose to be brave. You cannot have courage in the absence of fear — it is only in fear when you could pull out that hidden blade of courage from within and use it to face whatever you need to face. Do whatever that needs to be done, even if you have to do it afraid. Let this hurting keep you fighting.

4. It is only temporary.

It’s true. What you are going through now will not persist forever. Perhaps not even past the week! It will pass sooner or later. This difficult, complicated situation isn't going to stick around longer than it should, unless you want it to. Everything dies (down) with time. So don’t worry about the duration of its stint. When it’s done “fixing” you, it will be over in no time. You might not even know when it’s gone.

5. Bad things do happen to good people.

Things happen — they just do. It’s not because you’re a bad person and it’s some sort of a retribution or karma. Yes, some things do happen for a reason. But the reasons to them are almost never revealed to us. So it’s useless to guess why, why and why. Just get over your pitiful self and stop thinking that everything’s personal. Accidents and mistakes are inevitable in life. Learn to deal with it.

6. I don’t have to blame anyone, not even myself.

The thing is, if you starting putting blame on people or yourself, you are only allowing the hurt to spread. Even when you are out of that bad situation, you will still be holding a grudge inside, whether big or small, whether you know it or not. It is not easy to forgive; in fact it’s one of the most difficult things to achieve in life. So isn't it better to not find someone to blame now, only to trouble yourself later on with forgiving?

7. I still have people who love me very much.

The thought of our loved ones gives us power. It can give us to the power to persist, to push through, and to overcome. It’s a magical thing, really. When we think of our family and friends, we see another reason not to give up, on the situation or on ourselves. So hold on, in spite of yourself.

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Find What Makes You Happy by Kelcey Zacarese

Do you loathe your own birthday but count down the days to celebrate for your roommate’s? Do you cook a flawless dish of chicken Parmesan for your partner and tell them you can settle with a bowl of Captain Crunch for dinner? Do you come back from vacation with a bag full of shot glasses for your friends but forget to buy one for yourself?

My whole life I have gone completely out of my way to do things for other people. There has never been a time where I've just baked a batch of my favorite white chocolate macadamia nut cookies for myself to merrily munch on. I don’t even save a couple to the side because I feel too guilty when they could be in the happy hands of others. I have this innate desire to do things for everyone else. I am an avid people pleaser.

If this sounds anything like you, you probably can’t remember the last time you did something for yourself or even accept a compliment. When people try to do things for you or offer help, you respond, “No no no! Don’t worry about me. I’m fine…really.” I've been in therapy for a while now, and it has always been baffling for me to answer the question, “What makes you happy?” Time after time I have replied, “Well, it makes me happy to see other people happy.” I thought this was a good response. The correct response. Yet my therapist replied, “That’s not really what makes you happy though.”

I thought about what she said for a while. I tried analyzing the last time I did something for someone else. I've observed that the key to a guy’s heart is food 9 out of 10 times. Therefore, I did some baking for my friends on the wrestling team and handed them a Tupperware filled with plump peanut butter cookies. They all attacked the box like drunken sailors and my face lit up with a pleasant smile. However after the short animal rage, they kindly thanked me and went back to watching Sports Center. The bliss was over and I was standing there with an empty stomach.

It truly makes me happy to see the smiling faces of other people, especially when those smiles were formed by something I did. But for how long does that happiness actually last? There is that initial feeling of butterflies in your stomach knowing you just made someone’s day a little bit better. When’s the last time you lightened up your own day? When’s the last time you treated yourself to an expensive bottle of wine or an afternoon listening to nothing but your favorite playlist? When’s the last time you asked yourself, “What really makes me happy?”

I think many of us struggle with doing things for ourselves. We tend to put ourselves on the bottom of our priorities pyramid, always coming up with an excuse to put other things and people first. I've always thought it was something to be admired for, always doing things for others. Yet I found myself becoming lost. I was at lost for whatever made me happy because I was too busy concentrating on the rest of the world and figuring out what to do for them. I actually felt bad for myself realizing this. Is it honestly that painful for me to just treat myself for once?

Although it’s still a work in progress, I've finally decided to start doing things for myself—doing things that sincerely make me happy. Sometimes it involves money, sometimes it doesn't. It could be buying that expensive silky black dress I saw window shopping, or reserving time on the weekends to go for a walk to my favorite spot in the city. Whatever it is, I've been thinking about what I can do to have my mind rest easy and contently. It’s inevitably true that you are in control of your own happiness. I've finally posted on the back of my door, “If you want to be happy, be.”

Have you discovered what makes you happy?