Stranger

"They are, without opening their mouth, or maybe without even making any sort of eye contact, your soul mate. The search for love has finally ended in the middle of the library, walking down the street, or sitting in the airport while you’re trying not to cry because this is the fourth time your plane has been cancelled today.
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But the whole time your imagination is growing, you are desperately trying to figure out why you feel this completely invented connection. It’s the way they smile. The way they run their fingers through their hair. The way they dress. It’s everything you have ever wanted in a human being incarnate. Then you sigh with equal parts pleasure and frustration because this isn’t logical. But then, you tell yourself that falling in love isn’t logical in the first place, while in the back of your mind you want to slap yourself across the face because this is actually crazy.
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Thank you, strangers, for giving me the opportunity to fall in love in the safest way possible. You never truly got to break my heart. Thank you for melting the metaphorical cage around my soul, showing me that I am capable of such emotions, even though I pretend I’m not.

Thank you for giving me a glimpse at the future I deserve. When I saw myself with you, I saw what I want in the person I love. I see bodies, gently enveloped in crisp, white sheets with the morning light shining through the sheer curtains. I see waffles and chocolate in bed. I saw the life that I want to have with the person I love.

In my mind, I see the way you look at me and I know that’s the way I want my love to look at me. Thank you for giving me an idea to keep me company. Thank you for letting me see the way I want to love someone and the way I want to be loved.

Thank you for your absent love, the love that I am not ready to have. Thank you for not being real so I can fall in love with my own life first. Thank you, thank you for allowing me the pleasure to create myself, while I imagine you are the one that wants me the way I want to be.
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Thank you for sharing this imperfect, fleeting moment with me and filling my heart with imagined, invisible love."

(from Thought Catalog)

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A beautiful piece.

Tell The People You Love That You Love Them

Well, I'm pretty much attracted to this piece.

I love being horribly straightforward. I love sending reckless text messages (because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be?) and telling people I love them and telling people they are absolutely magical humans and I cannot believe they really exist. I love saying, “Kiss me harder,” and “You’re a good person,” and, “You brighten my day.” I live my life as straight-forward as possible.

Because one day, I might get hit by a bus.

I could be walking down the street one day, blasting Rihanna or Fleetwood Mac, jamming so hard that I don’t see the bus coming. I could be walking with a book in my hand, reading until the very end. I could be paying total and complete attention, imagine the impact before it arrives.

And I’d really, really rather not die with some confusing statement I said sitting in the phone or the thoughts or the memory of someone I know, care about, need.

I know how it is—we all want to be mysterious. None of us want to get hurt. None of us want to look desperate. So we wait to respond to texts, phone calls, emails, Facebook messages, Tweets. So we communicate our emotions in how we end our messages (no period this time? Really gonna get them.). So we say vague, half-statements and expect people to read our minds.

But what if we died?

What if the last thing you ever texted that girl was, “I don’t know, whenever,” when she asked when she should come over, even though you really really wanted to see her right now? What if you were head-over-heels in lust with some beautiful human in your Lit. class but you chose to wait 15 seconds before texting them back, only to never get the chance to text them at all?

Maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like, in this very moment, you will die if you do not see them, hold them, touch them in some way whether its your feet on their thighs on the couch or your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands.

But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate.

And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care.

We are young and we are human and we are beautiful and we are not as in control as we think we are. We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.

We never know when the bus is coming.

(So go text them back.)

(via link)

Thought Catalog #5

To The People Who Don’t Know How To Say No

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"The very feeling of disappointing someone, or not being able to do enough to help, upsets me. And most times, I’d go out of my way — extremely out of my way — just to avoid that feeling. It’s like a pre-installed automated guilt machine that turns on with every unanswered inquiry, unaccomplished favor, and missed opportunity. Yeah, it’s exactly that.

To myself, and to “the people who can’t say no”: Stop worrying. Stop trying to carry the burden of everyone around you because, truth be told, it’s not yours to carry. Stop constantly looking for a way to satisfy all of your critics. Stop blaming yourself for all the wrong things. Stop telling yourself that you owe everything to everyone. Stop saying yes to every favor, stop saying yes to every responsibility. Stop convincing yourself that “there’s something you could’ve done better.”

Say no when it feels right. Say no when you’d rather mind your problems than deal with theirs. Say no when you have too much on your plate. Say no when you feel like doing something else. Say no, once in a while, when you’re too happy to care. Say no when you’re too goddamn busy. Say no when you have to. Say no when you want to. Say no because you can. And remember that — no matter what your pre-installed automated guilt machine tells you — it’s perfectly okay."

(For full article, by Ayn Bernos)

Thought Catalog #5

Always Looking Forward, Never Stopping To Look Around

By Lauren Ellman

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” -Ferris Bueller

It’s as if we’re always chasing something. Chasing the school, the job, the relationship, the next job, the next relationship, the house, the family, the status, the style. Never satisfied. Never enough.

The race isn’t going to stop. It’s okay to slow down every once in a while and enjoy the scenery. To look back at the long road we’ve come down to get to where we are. But we refuse to stop. Rather than give ourselves the time to take stock in our accomplishments, we look past them as we search for the next one. And in a world like today, where we are all showcasing the best parts of our lives all over the Internet, it’s easy to feel like we’re slacking. Like we’re missing something, not trying hard enough, not as happy as everyone else.

And in fear of never being able to keep up, we hide behind a word. A very tiny word that suddenly has gained a lot of clout. Four little letters that get tossed around left and right as an excuse for why we just can’t. Can’t attend the party, can’t meet for lunch, can’t start a family, can’t wash our hair. That word, is Busy.

You see, we are all plagued with chronic busyness. It’s an adverse side effect to the delusion we have that everyone else is doing more than we are. And we don’t compare our own situation to everyone else’s individual situations. We compare our own situation to everyone else’s situation, collectively. As a whole. And our individual efforts stand no chance against what everyone else is doing, all together. Sure, we just got a new job, but she’s traveling the world and he just got married and they just had a baby. We’re not doing any of those things! So in order to feel like we are a part of it, we wave our busy flag and join the fight so we can keep up with all the other busy bees.

But while we’re all busy being busy, life is passing us by. Relationships aren’t being nourished, families aren’t connecting, bonds aren’t forming. As we’re all arguing over who has the least amount of hours in their day, opportunities for better and fuller lives are being wasted. We’re constantly looking outward to compare our situation to everyone else’s rather than focusing that attention inward. Into our own families. Our own lives. Our own relationships.

The truth is, we all aren’t as happy as we pretend to be on the Internet. For every adorably happy baby there are hours of crying tantrums and exasperation. For every dream job landed there are hundreds of rejection letters. Every “I said yes!” picture carries with it an anxiety of what’s to come. Life isn’t perfect. For anyone. But in between all those messy and trying moments, there is a glimmer of perfection. It just takes effort to see it. So instead of putting that effort in to the excuses for why we just can’t, lets put that energy into finding those glimmers of perfection. And savoring them. Not taking their picture. Not posting about them. Not chasing them. Let us witness and immerse ourselves in life. Because sometimes, its pretty perfect.

Thought Catalog #4

Confronting Reality

“Do you think we’ll work out? Tell me honestly.

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Now, I see a boy whom I adore, one whose gentle spirit and kind eyes make my world open up and my own eyes shine brighter. I see a brilliant mind and a kindred soul and someone who teases me just the right amount – enough so I know that he doesn’t take me or love too seriously, but not so much that I ever doubt he adores me too. I see someone whose strengths perfectly complement my own and who knows all my shortcomings but loves me anyway. I know the whole world says we won’t work out, and I know that the experienced world is probably right, but all of this knowing can’t stop me from desperately wanting it to be wrong and us to be right.

“I don’t know.” I say, finally responding to his question, but the lack of acknowledgment tells me he’s already drifted away. I stay up, pondering, and I decide that in a way we already have worked out. We’ve been there for each other through ups and downs and taught each other how to love – what more can we ask for at this point? And for as long as we both want to work out, exploration be damned. I’ll handle the changing and the growing apart when and if it comes. World, come at us. We probably won’t be the couple to prove you wrong, but we’ll have a damn good time trying.

(For full article, by By Elaine Greckknorth)

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If You Know Enough About A Person, Everything Will Remind You Of Them

These associations used to make me smile and go all warm and tingly inside until the next time I saw you. Then we’d hang out and we’d talk about some more irrelevant nonsense, and my brain would make more associations and I would think about you some more. But that was when I was happy. That was when I was glad I knew you. That was when you were a positive force in my life and not something that makes my heart ache at the very thought, the sound of your voice, the flash of your name appearing on my phone screen.

 Now the happiness is gone. You’re no longer here, but the associations persist. I spent enough time with you to know everything you like and don’t like, the places you go, the music you listen to, the things you would say in most situations. I know, and I remember, because I never forget.

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But how do I forget, when it’s impossible to forget? The truth is that I can’t, or maybe I just won’t. From joy to memories and pain, you are a part of who I am. So much of the person that I’ve become is based on your influence. And the thing is, I mostly like the person I am right now. So why would I want to regress to my pre-knowing-you state? The answer is that I don’t. The solution is to reach a new level of comfort without you, where I can consider what we used to be as nothing but happy memories that changed me. When I can think of you without hurting, that will be when I won’t feel bad about thinking of you.

(For full article, by Meredith Murphy)

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The Past Is The Past So Why Can’t You Move On? by Kim Retuta Reyes

You go back to your high school and you suddenly see a very familiar face; you’ve memorized the lines on his face, his dimples, especially his smile. It’s warm but deceiving as usual. The truth is he cheated on you. Did he? Maybe not because it never became you and him anyway. But you see him, and the memories come back. Why so bitter? They say that past is past.

 People say that ex-lovers never really forget each other. Others say that two people, after being in love, can remain friends either because they are still in love with each other or they never really were in the first place. But if you can’t stay as friends, I guess it’s either bitterness, or indifference.

If you were asked to choose between the two: bitterness or indifference, perhaps you would choose the latter. Normally you would. Nobody wants to feel stressed anyway because of resentment. But let me tell you this, you can never really feel indifferent towards a person if you have never felt full acrimony towards him/ her. You get bitter and then you get indifferent.

So how do you become bitter so that you can become indifferent? I say remember him now. Don’t force yourself to but each time he comes in to your mind, just let it be. Try to remember all the happy moments and all the hurtful ones. Let’s face it, there’s no real forgetting, just forgiving. Let yourself remember him and all those times you spent together, no matter how little. The more you try to push the thoughts away, it just gets harder. If remembering is hard for you, give yourself a reason to. Maybe you keep on remembering something because there is one thing in the past that you need to understand, and you haven’t since you refuse to recall.

Once you’ve started to remember, you might feel hurt. It’s fine, it’s natural. Or you may find the memories childish and just plain funny, then it’s better. But if it’s just bitterness, then just feel it. Donald Walters once said, you will have peace not by running away from your problems but by confronting them courageously. If a chance comes that you can talk to him, then do so. This way, you will know how you really feel towards that person. After remembering and maybe after facing him, then you can move on. The memories will just play in your mind but you’ll be surprised that they no longer mean so much to you as they have before. Eventually, you will realize that they’re just memories, nothing else. You’ll see that you have so much around you; people who actually care, and who actually love you. And so, you think of him less. Then you get it: the feeling of indifference towards that person. You can move on.

 Some of you may say that indifference is too much since that person was a part of your life. If that’s what you think, then choose forgiveness. But remember, the only moment you could finally say that you have forgiven someone is when you remember all the memories, the bitter ones and the sweet, yet you feel no anger, no hurt, and no bitterness. You just smile to yourself and say, “Those were the times; WERE the times.”

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Love Is A Choice: The Gutting Truth About What Real Love Looks Like

Love is soul work. Love can be met and joined with attraction and infatuation and all of that, but love will not fade when those things do. You can choose to close your heart to love, and run away, and avoid it for as long as you can in every way you can think of but if it was really, truly, the other-worldly, almost supernatural kind of love that we can only hope to be graced with at least once in this life experience, it will not leave you. You can love many people, but at the end of the day, the love you need to choose is the love that, even if you close your heart to, still moves you. The love you still write about. The love you can’t face. The love you’re still not okay with losing, that you’re angry about; the love that uprooted your life and contorted your being. The love you ran away from because it showed you who you are without the guise of worth given from someone else. This is love because these are all signs that you are closing your heart and to be doing so, there has to be something going through you for you to be able to close off. Real love will be the love you realize that remains even after you close your heart to it, because it sustains itself. It drives you forward. It brings up all the unhealed parts of you that you have to reconcile.

You can choose to love someone for the rest of your life… and it can be nearly anyone, really. You can open your heart and let anybody in if you choose to. We just usually don’t recognize that we’re doing it. But the trick is, comfortable, uninspiring love will not give you the kind of life you’re seeking. It’s not that it won’t make you happy. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with it. But it won’t be extraordinary. It isn’t filled with possibility. The truth is, the real “fairy tale” kind of love is the love that you keep coming back to even when whole swaths of you want to run away. If love is what you’re made of, the love you need to keep choosing is the love that fuels you, and makes more.

It’s time to stop choosing the love that’s easy and painless, and it’s time to start choosing the love that grounds us in the nitty-gritty-tragically-beautiful-emotionally-stoking-heart-shattering-life-changing-I met you and I just knew in that instant kind of experience. We need to choose this not in spite of the fact that it’s difficult, but for that reason exactly. I hope you do choose that. I hope you choose it today. I hope you stop being afraid of what you know to be inevitably true.

(For full article, by Brianna Wiest)

Thought Catalog #3

Life Is A Dance, There Is No Path To Happiness

I am realizing that life has no path to the “successful, happy place”. As Alan Watts says at the end of his video, life is “a musical thing and you were supposed to sing and dance while it was being played.” Life is about long hikes and hot cups of coffee with friends whom you love and admire. It’s about climbing mountains and kayaking in the ocean and exploring gypsy caves and running on wet foggy beaches. It’s about sleeping when you need to sleep. It’s about bonfires. It’s about growth. It’s about sharing all of the love that you can possibly squeeze out of your heart. Happiness is enjoying the dance of life, not reaching “the successful, happy place.”

(For full article, by Julie Brown)

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Stop Complaining All The Time

If you think about it, complaining is both annoying and exhausting, especially for the person who has to listen to you. And complaints are usually of two kinds – things you can change and things you can’t. To begin with the latter, if you can’t change something, complaining is futile. It might make you feel better to gripe but it might also make the situation actually worse than it objectively is. We all need to vent about the weather or how bad traffic is once in a while but maybe if we did it less or better yet changed our outlook on those things, we’d feel less of a need to complain about them altogether. Then there’s complaining about the things we can change, and this one is simple: If we can change them, why complain?

Complaining becomes a way of almost lessening that gratitude that I have.

I am no Pollyanna and I while I like to look at life hopefully, I am not blind to the pains of life. Bad things happen, annoying things happen, and complaining seems only natural. And maybe it is. But even so, I think that complaints endanger our experiences and the perspective we use to approach different experiences. And if we can live our lives more purposefully, more aware of what we say and do and put out in the world, and with more gratitude and grace, we’ll find that this need we have to complain is really a privilege, and one that should seldom be exercised.

(For full article, by Kovie Blakolo)

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Happiness This Very Second by James Altucher

When was the last time you felt like this little boy?

I’ve spent the past 20 years worrying about money. Worrying about what other people thought of me. Worrying about relationships, love, loss. Awkward about people, places, things, agendas Agendas. Thinking about the people who were angry at me. Obsessing on the people I was angry at. Scared to fail. Afraid to adventure. Thinking I had to achieve goals to alchemize unhappiness into happiness. Thinking I had to be the smartest person in the meeting, the room, the building, the city, thinking that the only way to I could ever be HAPPY was to get away far away far far away from HERE just so I could get THERE in the land of the “goals”. In the land of the “motivations”. In the land of “success”.

What a waste.

Now I hear the birds chirping, its not yet 5am. If I can picture it for a second – being a young boy, smiling, I have my bread. Picture what is in the eyes of that boy. Picture those are your eyes. Feel that moment of flight through the air, society hasn’t yet given me my orders, my goals. I’m free to run, to enjoy, to relax. Yesterday is long gone. Tomorrow will never come. I’m happy today, with my bread, with my smile, with both feet flying in the air. Like a bird. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before. For the briefest of moments happiness is the absence of everything that has happened to me ever since.

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10 Things Only You Can Give Yourself

1. The feeling of being truly healthy. If you are eating terrible food and not moving enough, or exhausting yourself drinking until three AM four nights a week, only you really know it. And even if someone touches your body and says it is beautiful, only you know if you are really treating it well. Being told you look slim or your skin is glowing is not a replacement for actually treating your body with respect.

2. Confidence to ask for what you deserve in a relationship, whether platonic or romantic. Perhaps someone will just happen to treat you well, but if you are not ready to demand it, you can never expect to find it in your relationships. And if you don’t feel that you are fundamentally worthy of being treated with respect and compassion, no one is going to convince you that you are.

4. A night of sleep where you can completely let go and know that every last thing on your list has been taken care of to the best of your ability. When you put things off or do them half-assed, only you know it, and only you will lose sleep of it.

5. Genuine happiness for people around you who are having wonderful things happen to them. Ultimately, being able to be supportive and content for others has nothing to do with whether or not you have the exact same thing as they do.

8. Approval over what you’re doing with your life. Because there will always be people in your life whose full support we will never really get, and constantly chasing after their love like we’re on some kind of emotionally-draining treadmill will only make us hate ourselves. If you want to feel good and proud and worthy for something you are choosing to do, you have to remind yourself that you don’t need anyone else to validate your existence.

9. A healthy amount of narcissism. If taking selfies or wearing extravagant clothes or spending two hours on your hair makes you feel good and beautiful and happy, there is nothing fucking wrong with that. At the end of the day, as you are the only one in your skin, it is really only your own opinion of your beauty that matters. And letting the world convince you that feeling good about yourself is cocky or shallow is a game you can never win.

10. The time to let yourself heal from things. When someone passes away, or breaks your heart, or abandons you, everyone will have something to say. They’ll all want to make you feel better, and help the healing process, and make things make sense. But some things are just going to take a long time to get better, and no one’s words are really going to mean anything, no matter how good their intentions. And there is no such thing as taking to long to feel better or not doing it in the right way. If you are still in pain, it’s no one’s place to tell you to get over it.

(For full article, by Chelsea Fagan)

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Peace Is Imperfect Acceptance

I’ve said this a dozen times and I’ll say it again: peace for the world around us has to begin within us. Individual changes in consciousness are what will propel the world into peace, love and truth. Forcing other people to follow suit will not further your cause. You have to lead by example. Change your own level of consciousness and watch how others follow by their own volition.

What does changing your consciousness mean? It means opening yourself and accepting challenges as nothing more than mere turning points and lessons. Seeing negative criticism as someone’s failed attempt at possibly telling you something important: they just didn’t know how to say it kindly. It is listening to what’s negative, and being with it, not running from it. It’s reaching, and loving and knowing that there is more than where you are right now.

It’s understanding what matters, and knowing that those things are not what most people think. It’s not reaching a place where there is no pain, it’s just learning to love through it. It’s where we can have our differences but talk through them and find a solution that’s not violent or pain-staking. It’s acceptance of what isn’t meant for us. It’s learning to not resist the way life leads us, knowing and believing that there are greater plans intact. It’s you and me stepping down from lashing out just once, and letting that wave tide over us and recess.

(For full article, by Brianna Wiest)

Thought Catalog #2

10 Ways To Feel Free

1. There are no “should-be’s,” there is only what is.

Putting too much weight and meaning on what is supposed to be in comparison to what our lives are can be debilitating and self-damaging… so don’t. Carve out your own path and take a stake in what’s already yours. Dispose of the narrative that tells you how your life should be, and just let it be.

3. Caged birds still sing.

Because even under unfortunate circumstances, you can either choose to enjoy what you have left to enjoy or wallow in your misery. In many cases, you choose your freedom. I don’t mean by the way of legislation or literally being caged, but metaphorically, yes.

4. There are no wrong feelings. Breaks between notes make a song.

Don’t pull yourself away from experiencing everything your life has to give because you think you shouldn’t feel one way or feeling another way would be better. It’s all part of the story.

5. The next big thing will not resolve what’s holding you down now.

You cannot keep waiting for something to free you and make you happy. If you can’t find happiness now, you won’t when “someday” comes– you’ll revert to your baseline.

6. Schedules and routines are things you plan and we rely on for comfort. Change yours today, even in a small way.

It’s the best reminder of just how much choice we have in our lives, and how often we choose the same things again and again while complaining that we wish our lives were different.

7. The next time you feel the next to explain your reasoning to someone, don’t.

You do not owe anybody an explanation. You are free to do as you please, and you can embrace that freedom by literally doing just that.

8. Be the person who loves you most and judges you least.

You’d be surprised (well, maybe not really) by how much your own fears and judgments about yourself hold you back from pursuing what you really love. Isn’t that what freedom is anyway– doing as you please without restraint? Don’t be your own restraint.

9. Dependence on others keeps you at their whim.

If you need someone else to do something, you’re always going to be at the whim of someone else. You won’t be able to do and live as you please when you are depending on other people. This is because sometimes freedom involves having to stand, think and act on your own. Self-dependency is the essence of living without restraint.

10. Look for love that is freely given and received without need, guilt or condition.

That’s what real love is– free love.

(For full article, by Brianna Wiest)

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18 (Real) Rules For Living

4. Learning to apologize is good. Learning to apologize when an apology is due is what really matters.

To pretend that we are flawless and just ignore our mistakes will be debilitating and crippling, especially in relationships. However, apologizing only for the sake of doing so is not the same as apologizing when you have genuinely done wrong. There is something that really softens people when you admit that you are wrong: they release their defenses, and realize that you are, in some ways, holding up the white flag of truce.

5. One of the most important things you will do is learn to be alone with yourself… happily.

You are all that you have. People can be terrified of doing things alone, but it’s important to get over that hurdle because nothing is certain in life and nobody is bound to you but yourself. You may argue that family, spouses, friends are, but as has been proven time and time again, that just isn’t so.

6. The only thing you can be sure of in the future is change.

We really must move past our hangups with being attached to what is. It is a recipe for suffering. There are few things I can guarantee that will happen in your life other than the fact that things will change: rapidly, unexpectedly, beautifully, tragically and slowly. Sometimes bit by bit, sometimes all at once. There is no use in doing anything but embracing this.

8. Nothing is real but right now.

The past is obsolete and the future is pending. You may attach yourself to these concepts, they are just figments of your imagination. It is a false comfort you get from them. Learn to be comforted and even astounded at what you have right now, and how beautiful it is.

9. You have not failed until you stop trying.

You are not a failure because things haven’t worked out yet. You are a failure when you decide you’re not going to try to work on them anymore. You can spend years and years resolving or working toward something, and the day that your work pays off, you have succeeded. Until then, you’re still working on it.

12. Imperfect is an idea that only we have devised. Everything and everybody just is. We have just made up what is right and wrong about ourselves and others.

It’s only bad if you make it bad, you are only wrong when somebody tells you or you are otherwise led to believe so. Otherwise, you would carry on without considering it. The truth of the matter is that the extent at which people judge themselves and others is largely rooted in what they have been taught. Not necessarily what is true or isn’t.

13. If you want change, change.

Complaining will not change anything. Thinking that you want change won’t do it either. You have to be ready to ease out of your comfort zone a bit. You will live the same life and face the same problems and woes until you do something about it/them.

14. No one owes you anything.

Not your parents, not your lover, not those who have wronged you. Not the government, not life in general. Although we all deserve the best, it is not necessarily anybody else’s responsibility to ensure that it happens.

15. Long term purpose and short term goals.

I’ve spoken about this before, and I must reiterate, that we’re are always in an equilibrium between what we want now and what will be best for the long-term. You need to have a bigger vision, but know that the way to get there is through the little things that add up.

16. Happiness will largely depend on your ability to stay interested and engaged.

This obviously excludes cases such as mental illness. Happiness is not a perpetual state of sustaining joy. If that were the case, there would be nothing stimulating about joyousness. It is just always having something new to delight and fascinate yourself with and by.

17. It is okay to not be okay.

Resisting being okay is actually what will affect you more than what you are resisting will. Let yourself be who you are. Let yourself feel what you feel. Be okay with not being okay. Once you can accept even the unfortunate things your life becomes a succession of experiences rather than just a series of fortunate and unfortunate events.

18. Happy people are not the ones who have it all and do not suffer.

Happy people are not, and never will be, the ones who don’t face challenges or suffer or become depressed or have dealt with serious trauma in their lives. They are the ones who know how terrible things can be, so they appreciate every little thing for what it is.

(For full article, by Brianna Wiest)

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19 Things That Aren't Worth Your Time

1. Comparing yourself to other people’s bodies in bathing suits this summer. It’s all about how you feel in your own skin, and staring at other people’s flat stomachs or dimpled thighs is only going to make you feel like more of a crappy, shallow person.

2. Listening to one friend talk shit about another friend, especially when you absolutely don’t agree with what is being said. You don’t owe anyone your complicity in their gossip.

6. Harassing your friends, over and over, for advice on your circular relationship when you know you’re just going to make the same bad decision yet again.

13. Staring at your stretch marks in the mirror. They are not going away, and no one actually cares about them.

14. Keeping up with a friend — through messages or phone calls or even letters — who clearly doesn’t ever make the effort in the other direction. If you are always the one who is reaching out and initiating contact, they are not the person you should be putting all this effort towards.

16. Looking at other people’s Facebook profiles for long periods of time, hoping to find something embarrassing or gross because you can’t stand them. They are winning, because you are giving them your time and attention.

(For full article, by Sophie Martin)

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20 Truths That Can Change Everything In Your Life by Brianna Wiest

1. You can easily define your life with your fears.

Don’t underestimate the power of what you are afraid of. It is the root of much of existence as we know it. You can neglect your full potential because of being afraid. Know that it is nothing more than a mindgame. Danger is real. Heartache is real. Fear is not. It’s a story we tell ourselves.

2. The important questions usually can’t be answered.

There are many questions that people have tried to answer for thousands of years, but to no avail. Or at least not one that is universally agreed upon. The things that matter usually don’t have concise and easily attainable answers. The mystery is part of the magic.

3. Much of your suffering is rooted in attachment and expectation.

Learn to jive with the ebb and flow of things. The most beautiful thing I have learned, through countless examples in my own life and observations in the lives of others, is that very often when things don’t work out the way you want them to, you hold onto what you think should be because you see no alternative. That alternative is right around the corner. Just wait for it.

4. If you want meaning in your life, learn to apply it.

There is no universal meaning for life. It is, simply, what you make it. So make it what you want. There is nobody else who should dictate what your meaning is, so it’s up to you to apply it. I suggest applying it to the beautiful, everyday things that keep you going. The things you may overlook, but you’d be lost without: the things that really matter most.

5. Being kind is more powerful than you probably realize.

You will be amazed at how many people, hearts and opportunities open up when you open your heart to them. It’s a tricky business, kindness, because we live in a world rampant with cruelty, and some may trickle in. Don’t let it close you.

6. Happiness requires the ability to embrace uncertainty.

Happiness has everything to do with just living for today– something most of us are slow to master, if at all. People think that they’ll be happy once they have this thing or that thing, or at the very least, that they know love and success and wonderful things are coming. It’s like we need something to make today’s suffering worth it. But here’s the thing: tomorrow may never come. Love and success and wonderful things may never come, or they may, and they may leave just as quickly. Nothing is certain but what you have today, so it’s the only logical thing to base your happiness on.

7. “Eternal silence is always at hand.” If you have something to do or say, now is the time.

You may not always have the opportunity to say what you think or feel. You may not always have the opportunity to tell somebody that you love them. I know there are a dozen reasons you would rather not, but there’s only one reason to do so if you feel compelled to: you may not have another chance.

8. Life will rarely look like what you thought it would.

Some things will be worse, some will be better than you ever could have imagined… and some will just be different. Many grandiose visions that we have never come to pass, so learn to release them. Spending everyday comparing your reality to the ideas you had in your head will always leave you feeling shortchanged.

9. “This too shall pass.”

The pain will pass, but so will the other things that you may not always have around to enjoy. It’s just a simple reminder that everything is fleeting and temporary.

10. It is always the little things.

This has a lot to do with the concept of your baseline of happiness, something I’ve written about before. Your overall level of contentment will briefly fluctuate with great successes or major tragedies. You will eventually return to your baseline. To change that, you must fill your everyday life with the little things that make you happy. In retrospect, you will most often find, that the things you most remember and look back on most fondly are little, and would otherwise seem insignificant.

11. If you don’t go after it, you’ll never have it. If you never ask, the answer will always be no.

All you need is a few seconds of courage. It’s scary when your pride is at stake, and you’re afraid of losing someone or damaging your reputation. But if you feel something is so inherently true and you are otherwise compelled to say so but are withheld by your fears, take that step. Even if it doesn’t go the way you wanted, you can at least cross one other avenue off your list of possibilities.

12. Consider trying to adopt some qualities of the person you’d like to fall in love with. By that I mean, love yourself first.

You should always be your own person, I don’t mean to say that you should base your own self around someone else, I just mean to propose another way to learn to love yourself. Very often, the qualities that we would ideally like in a partner are the ones that we wish we had ourselves. Don’t wait for someone else to complete you.

13. What you think, you become.

It’s an ancient principle, but it is one of the things I have found to be most true. Change your mindset, change your life.

14. Equal does not have to mean the same: embrace and respect your differences.

Being human is all you need to be eligible for equality. You need not prove yourself as being “the same” as someone else to feel worthy of equality. You deserve it, as does everybody else, just because you are.

15. When things least look like they are going to change, they usually do.

There’s only one way up from rock bottom, right? When things seem absolutely hopeless and you’ve all but given up, something beautiful and little and miraculous usually shows up and leads you to the revelation you’ve been waiting for.

16. Never cease to be thankful.

Imagine if someone less privileged than you lived your life with you for a day. Imagine how grateful some people would be to have food in the refrigerator and a computer or fancy phone to be reading this on… lest we forget just the privilege to be able to read.

17. Mind over matter.

10% what happens, 90% how you react. Always.

18. There is an atlas in your gut. Listen to it.

Those little voices and feelings are not to be ignored. The tricky thing, though, is that they’re just that: little. Easy to brush off and ignore. So often arriving in a swamp of other “nonsensical” thoughts and feelings. Believe me, it’s worth your time to learn to differentiate what your gut feeling is. It will serve you in ways beyond what you can imagine.

19. Always consider what you would do if money were no object in your life.

We are controlled by our need for money. It can be very difficult to differentiate what you want from your life with what you need simply because in our society you need money to survive. It may not always be practical, but it will always be beneficial to consider what we’d do with our lives if we were just here to be, and all our needs were taken care of. It will help you to define yourself for who you are, not what you are conditioned to be.

20. You usually know what the right thing to do is. It’s just a matter of having the courage to do it.

More often than not, you do have the answer. It’s just a matter of having the courage to do what you know you should.

15 Words To Remember When You’re Going Through A Rough Time

1. Amnesia

am•ne•sia

A partial or total loss of memory.

It’s never as easy as we’d like it to be, but forgetting is a necessity in instances that call for us to leave the past in the past. We must be able to have amnesia whether it be in regards to getting rejected for a job or cheated on by an ex. In forgetting you will find freedom. Unfortunately, as humans it’s not as simple as an eraser swiping at penciled scribbles, in fact it actually takes a conscious effort to catch yourself when you’re dwelling, and remind yourself to forget those memories.

2. Future

fu•ture

Time that is to come.

By being alive right now, you have a future. Sure, it could be scheduled to end in two hours or it might last for the next 70 years. The concern shouldn’t necessarily be with the quantity so much as the quality. Making right now count. Dreaming of a brighter future is good and all, but it’s also crucial not to think you can create that finished painting today or tomorrow. One stroke of the brush at a time. One day, hour, minute, second at a time, making maximum effort in the present for the benefit of your future.

3. Perseverance

per•se•ver•ance

Steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

If there’s a circumstance other than death that’s capable of steering you away from dreams, goals and desires — more than likely you’ll give up at some point. Significant accomplishments are rarely achieved immediately. To swing at the first pitch and hit a homerun is a rarity. To strikeout countless times but continue beating your craft until you’re capable of knocking it out of the park is the routine most successful people will endure. We’re all bound to experience resistance in one aspect of life or another, the difference is how accepting one is of their shortcomings. Is mediocrity (or worse) acceptable? Demand extraordinary with relentlessly and you’ll persevere simply because that’s the only option.

4. Happiness

hap•pi•ness

The quality or state of being happy.

If currently you aren’t happy, ask yourself what it is that’s stopping you from experience happiness in this very moment? It’s not necessarily about throwing on a forced smile (although I’ve heard that’s not a bad start), but where would you begin when attempting to get yourself in a genuinely happy state of mind? If comedy films or conversations with your friends cheer you up, engage in those activities. For many of us, happiness is a constant battle. Some people aren’t just able to happy by default and only get sad when something goes terribly wrong, those people have to fight for happiness. The key is to make that effort and not allow yourself to remain in a state of any emotion other than ‘happy’ for too long.

5. Serenity

se•ren•i•ty

The state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

Much like happiness, serenity is a place you must locate. Perhaps you’ll have actual locations that give you a feeling of calm such as a quiet coffee shop or a beautiful park. Other times it’s all about finding that serenity within yourself. The inner-peace, the correct state of mind, the relentless focus on cleansing oneself of all anger, frustration and hate, inhaling calm and exhaling concerns. Basically, hakuna matata.

6. Faith

faith

Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

Believe in what you believe in, but do it wholeheartedly. God, love, the universe, people, destiny — sometimes you don’t have extra reassurance, leaving you with nothing but the strength of your own confidence. Faith is a trust fall, you’ve got to believe with the utmost conviction that everything is happening for a reason, and in the end all will be well.

7. Friend

friend

A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

Not necessarily the people who frequent the same hangouts as you or are constantly around, but the people who are always there. The select few trusty individuals who will sit there and listen to you rant and vent about all of your struggles. There should be no judgment or spiteful responses that make you feel worse about yourself (maybe a little brutal honesty that you simply need to hear). They’ll let you ramble on the phone until 2 AM or attend a club they normally wouldn’t visit just so you can get much needed time out. Don’t shy away from these people when you’ve got handfuls of lemons, friends usually have creative ways to get rid of ‘em.

8. Family

fam•i•ly

A group of persons of common ancestry.

Where as friends might not quite understand, or you simply aren’t as comfortable talking to them about your hardships, family should be the most reliable place to lean. Ideally they love you no matter what because flesh and blood offers a rare, unique bond. Spend time with them, vent to them, rely on them when things aren’t going your way, and suddenly the rough times will be smoothing out.

9. Life

life

The quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body.

You have one, it is precious and guaranteed to end at some point. Don’t waste it letting a tiny, tiny period of it define the rest.

10. Temporary

tem•po•rar•y

Lasting for only a limited period of time; not permanent.

Whatever you’re going through will come to an end, which is crucial to remind yourself of when it’s seemingly an eternity. It always seems like the seconds tick a little bit slower during bad times, but it’s important that we march through storms with the certainty of blue skies on the other side. All good things must come to an end, as must all struggles. Don’t let temporary misfortune block your mind of any positive thoughts.

11. Grateful

grate•ful

Feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.

As easy as it may be to point out every  last thing that you don’t currently have, there is ALWAYS something to be appreciative of. A lot of the time we desire luxuries, situations, finances or people we can’t have, completely forgetting about all of the treasures we’ve been granted in life. Things to be grateful for having aren’t always physical objects. You can’t hold, text and download apps on a loving relationship with your Mom or Dad, and your good health isn’t shiny with nice rims on it, but they’re certainly worth being thankful to have. There’s nothing more disappointing than losing something/someone you’ve taken for granted, and realizing then that you didn’t appreciate every single moment you had it/them.

12. Attitude

at•ti•tude

A settled way of thinking or feeling, typically reflected in a person's behavior.

There’s a quote that goes something along the lines of:

Be careful what you think, for your thoughts become your words. Be careful what you say, for your words become your actions. Be careful what you do, for your actions become your habits. Be careful what becomes habitual, for your habits become your destiny.

Everybody gets down sometimes, the key is to recognize instances in which you have the ability to change your attitude, and do your best to make it a positive one. Your thoughts will be reflected in behaviors, so try to limit the pessimistic ones.

13. Forgive

for•give

Stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

Holding grudges is so much work, why not forgive past offenses and move on? Some people struggle with this, and understandably so considering folks often do awful things that aren’t easy to drop. The thing is, if your rough patch is happening because you’re holding resentment towards someone, do yourself a favor and find a way to forgive. It takes a load off your back and frees up time that would otherwise be spent thinking about some wrongdoings that make you unhappy.

14. Hope

hope

A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

Have some. Hope for the best, even if you’re one of those people who insists on preparing for a terrible outcome, wish for good things. If you’re a believer in the power of the human mind, you know how significant visualizing and desiring things can be. Expect great, desire great, anticipate the things you want to happen.

15. Awesome

awe•some

Extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear.

Because at the end of the day, you and life are awesome. Seriously, all of us have our vices and issues but if you look at just about anyone, you can spot good intentions, and a kind heart, even if they’re covered in a layer or two of awful. Whatever rough time you’re experiencing may suck, but at some point you’ve got to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and be awesome.

Thought Catalog #1

Don’t Define Yourself By What You’re Not

You are not your hair color. You are not your choice of clothing. You’re not your height, weight or job or degree of education. More importantly, you’re not your mistakes. You’re not defined by the things that make you human, otherwise known to some as “flaws.” The physical are just descriptors that make you easier to identify by others, they don’t define who you are.

You are whatever touches your soul more deeply than anything. You are who you love. You are the music that makes you cry. You are the daydreams your mind trails off to. You are your favorite food. You are your deepest desires. You are what you want to bring to the world. You are the silly jokes that make you laugh. You are how you treat other people, especially people who don’t and can’t do anything for you in return. You are anything and everything that touches you and changes you from your core.

If everyone was blind, how would you be described?

(For full article, by Brianna Wiest)

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The Happiness To-Do List

1. Hug more people because you absolutely adore them, and since time changes everything, make sure to hug them now—make sure to hug them more often. It’s a universally free way to tell them that you care. That you’re sorry; that your heart aches and craves and desires them. Hug them because it’s Wednesday. Because you don’t want to say goodbye. Because after three months of silence, you finally have the courage to forgive them. Hug them for no reason at all.

5. Tell people you love them.  Say it every single day. Say it for the first time as soon as you realize it/when you’re petrified/even if you’re terribly frightened whether or not they may say it back.

6. Learn how to say please, thank you, and I’m sorry.

8. Believe in yourself. Give yourself a good stern talking in the mirror every so often in order to migrate around the concept of what you are worth: which is everything, no matter what. No matter if anyone else has ever said differently.

9. Follow your own advice. The words that make the tears sparkle on the check bones of a friend come from somewhere. They are alive, within you. It’s the very immediate moment after you’re through comforting the heart of another that you must also make the decision to believe, to trust, your sudden spoken truth.

Please, just do them for no reason at all.

(For full article, by Jen Glantz)

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7 Things To Tell Yourself When You’re Hurting by Keay Nigel

1. I am going to face it.

Don’t run away from it. Don’t treat it like it’s not there, like it has never happened — this will only prolong the period of suffering, and delay the healing. Talk about it, not avoid it. Things only get nastier when you try to sweep them under the carpet. Face that bitch right in the face. If it’s gonna hurt, it will. But after that, it will be fine. It will get better.

2. This pain is necessary for growth.

You tell yourself that it is NOT all bad and no good — that something good CAN come out of it. That through pain you become stronger and better as a person. That going through tough things and shit situations are part and parcel of life. People can break your heart, but it is up to you whether to seal it up on the inside, or allow your heart to grow bigger and become more accepting of things. Even if this thing breaks you, you are going to bounce back bigger and fiercer.

3. Don’t be afraid of being afraid.

Because only in being afraid can you choose to be brave. You cannot have courage in the absence of fear — it is only in fear when you could pull out that hidden blade of courage from within and use it to face whatever you need to face. Do whatever that needs to be done, even if you have to do it afraid. Let this hurting keep you fighting.

4. It is only temporary.

It’s true. What you are going through now will not persist forever. Perhaps not even past the week! It will pass sooner or later. This difficult, complicated situation isn't going to stick around longer than it should, unless you want it to. Everything dies (down) with time. So don’t worry about the duration of its stint. When it’s done “fixing” you, it will be over in no time. You might not even know when it’s gone.

5. Bad things do happen to good people.

Things happen — they just do. It’s not because you’re a bad person and it’s some sort of a retribution or karma. Yes, some things do happen for a reason. But the reasons to them are almost never revealed to us. So it’s useless to guess why, why and why. Just get over your pitiful self and stop thinking that everything’s personal. Accidents and mistakes are inevitable in life. Learn to deal with it.

6. I don’t have to blame anyone, not even myself.

The thing is, if you starting putting blame on people or yourself, you are only allowing the hurt to spread. Even when you are out of that bad situation, you will still be holding a grudge inside, whether big or small, whether you know it or not. It is not easy to forgive; in fact it’s one of the most difficult things to achieve in life. So isn't it better to not find someone to blame now, only to trouble yourself later on with forgiving?

7. I still have people who love me very much.

The thought of our loved ones gives us power. It can give us to the power to persist, to push through, and to overcome. It’s a magical thing, really. When we think of our family and friends, we see another reason not to give up, on the situation or on ourselves. So hold on, in spite of yourself.

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Find What Makes You Happy by Kelcey Zacarese

Do you loathe your own birthday but count down the days to celebrate for your roommate’s? Do you cook a flawless dish of chicken Parmesan for your partner and tell them you can settle with a bowl of Captain Crunch for dinner? Do you come back from vacation with a bag full of shot glasses for your friends but forget to buy one for yourself?

My whole life I have gone completely out of my way to do things for other people. There has never been a time where I've just baked a batch of my favorite white chocolate macadamia nut cookies for myself to merrily munch on. I don’t even save a couple to the side because I feel too guilty when they could be in the happy hands of others. I have this innate desire to do things for everyone else. I am an avid people pleaser.

If this sounds anything like you, you probably can’t remember the last time you did something for yourself or even accept a compliment. When people try to do things for you or offer help, you respond, “No no no! Don’t worry about me. I’m fine…really.” I've been in therapy for a while now, and it has always been baffling for me to answer the question, “What makes you happy?” Time after time I have replied, “Well, it makes me happy to see other people happy.” I thought this was a good response. The correct response. Yet my therapist replied, “That’s not really what makes you happy though.”

I thought about what she said for a while. I tried analyzing the last time I did something for someone else. I've observed that the key to a guy’s heart is food 9 out of 10 times. Therefore, I did some baking for my friends on the wrestling team and handed them a Tupperware filled with plump peanut butter cookies. They all attacked the box like drunken sailors and my face lit up with a pleasant smile. However after the short animal rage, they kindly thanked me and went back to watching Sports Center. The bliss was over and I was standing there with an empty stomach.

It truly makes me happy to see the smiling faces of other people, especially when those smiles were formed by something I did. But for how long does that happiness actually last? There is that initial feeling of butterflies in your stomach knowing you just made someone’s day a little bit better. When’s the last time you lightened up your own day? When’s the last time you treated yourself to an expensive bottle of wine or an afternoon listening to nothing but your favorite playlist? When’s the last time you asked yourself, “What really makes me happy?”

I think many of us struggle with doing things for ourselves. We tend to put ourselves on the bottom of our priorities pyramid, always coming up with an excuse to put other things and people first. I've always thought it was something to be admired for, always doing things for others. Yet I found myself becoming lost. I was at lost for whatever made me happy because I was too busy concentrating on the rest of the world and figuring out what to do for them. I actually felt bad for myself realizing this. Is it honestly that painful for me to just treat myself for once?

Although it’s still a work in progress, I've finally decided to start doing things for myself—doing things that sincerely make me happy. Sometimes it involves money, sometimes it doesn't. It could be buying that expensive silky black dress I saw window shopping, or reserving time on the weekends to go for a walk to my favorite spot in the city. Whatever it is, I've been thinking about what I can do to have my mind rest easy and contently. It’s inevitably true that you are in control of your own happiness. I've finally posted on the back of my door, “If you want to be happy, be.”

Have you discovered what makes you happy?

The 20-Something’s Guide To Self-Acceptance

Set the intention to change. Don’t let yourself regress by being upset over not achieving your goals immediately. Success means that you don’t stop trying. Make peace with those who have hurt you. Apologize to those you owe an apology to. You will be humbled. You will be vulnerable. You will find feelings arising that you thought were dead and buried. Sit with them. Be honest with yourself about yourself. There’s no point in working on bettering someone who isn’t really you.

Everyone is struggling. Despite what Facebook profiles suggest, nobody is perpetually thrilled with their life. The idea that you have to be is silly.

Learn to be okay with just being okay. You do not have to have it all together. Nobody expects that of you, and the greatest things in life usually derive from what would otherwise seem like failure.

Don’t see negative feelings as hindrances but as signs to be followed. Think of your emotions the same way you think of your physical sense of feeling. Your hand hurts if you put it on a hot stove because your body is telling you to remove your hand before it burns off. Consider what your your internal navigation and feelings are telling you to get away from (or alternatively, move toward).

Write down the things you loathe about yourself, and be honest. Even if it hurts to be put it down on paper, and you’re hesitant to even write anything because you know this means you have to acknowledge this big-bad-terrible-horrible-no-good thing about you. Once you have a list you’re sufficiently uncomfortable with, dig. Think these things through. Consider why you behave the way you do, what influenced you to be that way, whether or not this is innately you and how these actions or traits affect your life. Work on ways to change the things you determine need to be changed.

Understand that love is a verb, and is an action, and self-acceptance has everything to do with it. Just sitting and thinking about your positive traits and your desire to reform is good, but it’s not going to change anything.

Realize that life is beautiful because it is flawed, and so are people. Think about somebody you love, and consider how they don’t fit into standard ideas of beauty and perfection. You love them anyway, don’t you? You even find some of these things more endearing than anything, right? Realize that you are loved no differently.

Know that there is no right way to live. Success is subjective. You cannot follow someone else’s road map. There is no right or wrong way to do things. By accepting this, you start to realize that your life is perfect and beautiful, just not in the ways you falsely believe it should be. Understand that acceptance does not necessarily mean being happy about everything. It just means you are big enough to give acknowledgement.

(From Thought Catalog )